so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
