all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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