I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
