I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
