Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have already put on my inside pants.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
