You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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