Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.

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(631): View more from New York

I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?

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(904): View more from Florida

someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.

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(636): View more from Missouri

you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.

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(951): View more from California

Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?

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