she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
