Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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