im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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