You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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