I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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