There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
