he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
