He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
