She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. đ
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I should have known it wouldnât work. Someone saved in her phone as âSubway Sexâ called the week before the wedding
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