I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
