I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
