Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
