Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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