Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
