Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
