I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize