I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
