You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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