i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
