i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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