just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm like, not good at living.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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