The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
