I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We are all done wearing pants today
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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