I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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