Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
