I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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