I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
