yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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