1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
