gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
