Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
