I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
