theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
