MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
