i need an iv and a liver transplant
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
