I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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