just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
