This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
