just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
