I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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