The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
