talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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