I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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