dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
