you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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