A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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