Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
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